7 Grossly Appropriate Celebrity Tattoos

Ricky Martin’s tattoo above his ass reads: “Blood Mary” because he likes it up the pooper.  For the record, I knew he was gay back in 1999 because no straight guy smiles that much, dances that well, and is that happy.

Kendra has a new tattoo above her pussy: “Dark Meat Only” because she doesn’t like white guys. The good news is that Kendra is as famous as Michael Jordan: Kendra is known around the world by only her first name - not bad for a lush, country girl.  Please Kendra you are a mom now!

R.Kelly recently got a tattoo above his dick: “Sleep Little Baby” because he likes it when adolescents suck his dick and fall asleep.  At the Grammys R.Kelly is doing his secret wave to the kiddies, but also hoping that the police don't recognize him! He’s "Count RiDICKulous."

 J-Lo’s tattoo above on her stomach reads: “Eight is Enough.”  Since she’s been married four times, she has four to go. Quatro + Quatro = Ocho!  I guess J-Lo is going to marry Ocho Cinco.  Then she’ll be in the Elizabeth Taylor Club. Skank! The good news is that her ass is big enough for her soon to be eight tattoos of her eight husbands.

Heath Legder got a post-mortem tattoo, “Gone and Easily Forgotten.”  He sucked as an actor!

Piers Morgan’s Tattoo reads, “I Pay for Pussy,” which is the same one that Larry King received.  Piers’ wife had to marry him for money.  Piers states, “I’m never embarrassed,” but his body language delivers a different message as Piers shrugs his shoulders when standing next to his beautiful wife.  That’s the Larry King look stating, “This bitch is too hot for me!”  In this photo Piers looks like a fat kid in a candy store. I also noticed that he's wife is less gratuitous with her smiles than Piers when they pose together - hmmm rather foretelling.

Rachel Ray has a new tattoo on her “itty-bitty-titty” chest, which reads, “Phone Home” because she looks, walks and talks like E.T.  This is from Rachel's FHM shoot.  I knew she was too good to be true - every woman is a slut inside.

Hey, that's a good thing. Rachel is an Oprah "Minnie-me," or "Wanna-be," but I can't see Oprah doing a FHM shoot - Thank God as least someone of TV has sense.